Another Word for Joy: Lesson 3 – Gratitude

Posted on November 6, 2014 by Brave Thoughts

New Incentive for Continuing Education (NICE) presents:

Another Word for Joy: Lesson 3

Once upon a time, I took an Appreciation of Music class. Maybe because it seemed like an easy elective. I had very low expectations. I didn’t think that I might learn something that would stay with me for decades.

This is what I learned: When you pay attention, there is a lot going on. When you pay attention, you can hear things you never would have noticed. And the music you are listening to becomes more complicated, more artistic. More amazing.

Gratitude is appreciation. It is paying attention to things that exist, to things that happen. And in paying attention, we find that life gets more amazing.

Welcome to Lesson 3: Grrrrrrrrratitude.

I used to be very skeptical about gratitude. How could gratitude make you happy? Wasn’t it just being passive and being thankful for things that would happen anyway?

An attitude of gratitude can help you find something to appreciate even in hard times. Maybe you are going through a divorce, or you have lost a loved one, and it seems like nothing is going right… and then all the traffic lights are green on the way to a meeting, or that song you love plays on the radio. When you take a moment to notice the small wonders, you are lifting ever so slightly the burdens of life.

Gratitude is an upward movement, a freeing, a loosening. it doesn’t bring you down or bind you, it lifts.

Homework #1: Thank You

Carry a pen and paper or a smart phone with you as you go about your day. When you notice something that you can be grateful for, write a note that starts with “Thank you for…”. Your thank yous can be for small things like smiles or working pens, or big things like important events or life-changing moments. List at least five things that have given you a lift.

In this lesson, your goal is to pay attention and develop an appreciation for the things and people around you. Your life is like a symphony, and you have the best seat in the house.

Another aspect of gratitude that took a while for me to understand is the link between giving and gratitude. Many people tithe as part of their religious practices, and as an outsider, this seemed like a heavy burden to put on your parishioners.

It was only when I understood that tithing is a form of gratitude that it became clear why people are willing to tithe. It is a way of saying that you are grateful for the blessings you have already received.

And in that lovely way that life has of balancing things out, gratitude is often associated with blessings to come. Giving and receiving.

Which brings us to the next question: How do we show our gratitude? Sometimes we feel gratitude without expressing it.

Gratitude can be expressed in many ways. Maybe it is through tithing, or simply saying “thank you”. Perhaps you have found a different way of showing gratitude – a way to give or share that expresses your thankfulness for what you have experienced.

Homework #2: What is it Worth?

Just as an exercise, let’s think about the good things in our lives, and try to pin a value on them. We have gratitude because there are things and people we cannot control that make our lives better. It may seem like the world runs on money, but we cannot buy the most precious moments. How much is a smile worth? How much would you pay for a beautiful fall day? What is it worth to have a loved one returned safely from battle? Think about the things you are grateful for and imagine that you are presented with a bill for them… how would that feel? Just make some notes on your thoughts and reaction to this exercise.

I really wanted to avoid this phrase, but an “attitude of gratitude” is really the best way to say it. Paying attention to the blessings of life, no matter how small, can make each day better. When we are building a foundation of Joy, gratitude is one of our best tools.

Bonus #1

Here is a post on the “koan of gratitude”. Enjoy. http://sharanam.tumblr.com/post/1146986625/what-is-gratitude-is-a-koan-i-often-give-people

For Lesson 3 credit, you must either post your Homework answers as a comment or send them to me in an e-mail.

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.
— Melody Beattie

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Why We (want to) Procrastinate

Posted on October 12, 2014 by Brave Thoughts

It’s the same thing, over and over. I’ve got something I want to do (I really do want to do it), but I don’t do it. I do other things.

I make puppets. I make costumes. I make a fabulous quiche. I even clean the kitchen. But I don’t do X. X being the variable for the thing I am procrastinating on. Who says we can’t use algebra in everyday life?

So X remains undone. Why?

One day, I did this:

WhyWeProcrastinateIf you haven’t seen Personal Brain, it’s pretty cool. I don’t even know if it’s still available (it is: thebrain.com). You can use it to map connections between things or thoughts. Here you can see my reasons for putting things off.

My many reasons. It’s surprising I get anything done at all.

As you can see, I was able to spend time creating this Brain thing rather than doing X. Clearly, “Not Enough Time” should be stricken from the list of viable candidates. The not-so-subtle emphasis in the image I captured shows that I suspected that one of the strongest reasons was “Nobody Will Notice”.

But here’s the kicker: Do I really care if anyone notices? Would that really motivate me? Some might question that, since I do so many things that nobody will notice, including this obscure and unpopular blog.

Which brings us back to the question: why do we procrastinate?

And the terrible answer: because we want to.

Not because we are terrible, lazy people. We just don’t get enough out of doing X to make it more valuable to us than Y.

Each of us is motivated by a set of values and priorities that we may not even be aware of, yet when we really take a look at these motivations, it becomes obvious why certain goals will be harder to obtain.

I was recently introduced to a tool called the Emotional Fingerprint. This tool gives you insight into your most basic needs, and how you are meeting them through the decisions you make and the goals you achieve.

After working through the first set of exercises with this tool, I saw that my current approach to X was not going to meet enough of my basic needs for me to make it a priority. I was getting more overall satisfaction from other shorter-term goals that used certain skills and traits that I value.

While this is useful for understanding why it is so hard to focus on X, it doesn’t make me want to abandon it. So my new goal for X is to find ways to “trick myself” into working on it by changing the way I am going about it. I’m not entirely sure what this will look like, but I know where to start: with that  list of basic needs.

In the meantime, I can be less hard on myself and make more sense of the choices I make.

And when I want to procrastinate, I can do it with conviction.

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Another Word for Joy: Lesson 2 – Enthusiasm

Posted on September 21, 2014 by Brave Thoughts

Nifty Interesting Continuing Education (NICE) presents:

Another Word for Joy: Lesson 2

A few months ago, I went to an event in the city where people told stories about themselves. They were true stories, and maybe I remembered them for a few days. But there was something else from that night that made the biggest impression: the enthusiasm of the guy who had put the show together.

He was smiling and waving his arms around and generally bringing a lot of energy to the event. He was excited and encouraging, inviting audience members to participate. It was, in my mind, a refreshing example of enthusiasm – and it seemed like it had been a while since I’d seen any.

Welcome to Lesson 2: Enter with Enthusiasm.

The not-so-great followup to this is that I recently looked up the website for this monthly event and it hadn’t been updated for nearly three months. It makes me wonder: did he lose his enthusiasm? Has this become yet another of those great ideas that ran out of steam?

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve stumbled upon a great website that promises all kinds of interaction and goodness, only to find that there has been no activity for several years. Like the dinosaur bones, they are merely evidence of something that once walked the Internet. What happened to the enthusiasm of that first launch day?

Is enthusiasm endangered?

This is an important question when it comes to Joy. Because enthusiasm is one of the most joyful expressions of interest and commitment.

The word itself has roots in words meaning “from god” or “god within”. An enthusiastic person may appear to be possessed – or obsessed, in it’s darker form. Are enthusiastic people able to tap into a god-source for the extra energy required?

Let’s start by thinking of the last time you noticed that someone was very enthusiastic about something. Who was it? What was it about? Was it you? If not, when was the last time you were enthusiastic about something? Was it a project at work? A book or movie that moved you? A new hobby? Maybe something you tried as a child. If you are having trouble thinking of something, don’t give up. There is no time limit on enthusiasm. If you felt it, it is yours, no matter when.

In this lesson, your goal is to learn what your very own sources of enthusiasm are. We’ll look at ways to build enthusiasm when you think you need it.

Homework #1: Examples of Enthusiasm

Carry a pen and paper or a smart phone with you as you go about your day. When you notice someone who seems enthusiastic to you, make a note of it. How do they look? Sound? What made you notice their enthusiasm?  Find at least five examples of enthusiasm over the next few days. Yes, they can be on TV.

One thing we can be sure of: enthusiasm takes energy. It can make people bounce, dance, stretch to their limits. Where does that energy come from? What is the impetus that boosts interest to the level of enthusiasm?

If there was an equation for enthusiasm, it would look something like this: E(nthusiasm) = I(nterest) * M(y motivation). Your M is that thing that moves you from thinking to doing, from a bubbling idea to a full-fledged plan. It is your multiplier of motivation. It can be several things that combine to take you from “sure” to “oh, yeah!”.

Do you have a particular passion, pride or awe associated with the Interest? Do you feel gratitude or involvement? These are the kinds of things that can multiply your interest into enthusiasm.

While I was working on this lesson, I began to doubt. Could enthusiasm ever last? Was it doomed to fade? I felt like I had lost my enthusiasm for this lesson.

But something out there wanted me to keep going. It sent me hints. I turned to the next page in a book I was reading and the heading was “Enthusiasm”. Still I procrastinated.

Then I followed a link that someone had posted on social media and without knowing what I had been looking for, I found it. Here was an example of sustained enthusiasm: Richard Simmons.

Yes, there he was in his shiny top and shorts, making people uncomfortable with boundless enthusiasm.

This is where we can learn something. We can learn about not caring what other people think when we are in our enthusiastic state. We can learn about the joy it brings to some people even if others don’t like it. And we can learn that enthusiasm doesn’t have to fade.

And I got my enthusiasm for this lesson back, because I rediscovered my passion for helping people find joy and share it.

Homework #2: Choose to Enthuse

Experiment with enthusiasm. (1) Mimic the people on your list for Homework #1. How does it feel to move, shout, or smile just like they do? (2) Make a list of things you are passionate about. Choose one thing from your list. What would it mean to be enthusiastic about this thing/idea/activity? How would somebody show it? Write it – or do it! (3) Think of a theme song for one of the passions on your list. Create a slogan for another one. Write a few sentences about how it feels to express joy in this way. Is it enlightening? Awkward? What is your favorite way to express your enthusiasm?

What can we do to support and encourage enthusiasm? Smile. If you can support someone’s passion verbally, socially, or financially, do so. Try not to suck the life out of their enthusiasm with nit-picky criticisms and negative comments.

If you are feeling enthusiasm, cherish and protect it. Try not to let others suck the life out of your enthusiasm with nit-picky criticisms and negative comments.

Remember that your brain has amazing powers to bring enthusiasm to whatever you are passionate about. When you need a lift, just remember to Enter with Enthusiasm.

Bonus #1

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

For Lesson 2 credit, you must either post your Homework and Bonus answers as a comment or send them to me in an e-mail.

Enthusiasm is not the same as just being excited. One gets excited about going on a roller coaster. One becomes enthusiastic about creating and building a roller coaster.
 — Bo Bennett

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Another Word for Joy: Lesson 1 – The Sounds of Joy

Posted on August 13, 2014 by Brave Thoughts

Nagging Interdisciplinary Continuing Education (NICE) presents:

Another Word for Joy*: Lesson 1

Ready? beep

Did you click on the beep? Did you play the file? Do you know what that is? It’s one of the Sounds of Joy. It’s that beep that says there is a message on the answering machine. The beep that says somebody cares. Yes, it’s old school and nobody has an answering machine anymore because you all have cell phones and no land lines. But in my day, this was a sound of excitement and wonder. After years and years of having to be there to answer the phone, this little miracle would actually save a message for you. Amazing.

Welcome to Lesson 1: The Sounds of Joy.

I’m not going to have you play any more audio files, because I’ve learned a sweet little secret that I’m going to share with you: your imagination is just as good as an audio file. Yes, folks, the human brain does not need to have sound waves moving through the air in order to “hear” something. Let me show you with a little experiment. Take a moment to read the following words:

Thunder Crickets Wind Chimes Footsteps on a Sidewalk

Your brain takes these words and (if you aren’t trying to be too analytical) turns them into sounds. First, it turns the letters of the words into the sounds of the words. Then it will turn the word sounds into the sounds that they represent, as if you were experiencing the actual sounds. Try reading them again, and pay attention to the way your brain interprets the words and draws on past experiences to give you those sounds again.

Pretty cool, eh? The soundtrack of this lesson is in your head.

Sounds can affect your mood, your thoughts, and your physical systems. They can trigger stress or relaxation responses, they can cause excitement or lull you to sleep. In this lesson, we will become more aware of the sounds around us and how we respond to them. We will find the Sounds of Joy and use our clever brains to experience them when we need some joy in our day.

Let’s start out by noticing your reactions to these sounds (go ahead and imagine the sounds, then pay attention to how your mind and body are affected):

Crying Child Breaking Glass Sizzling Dentist Drill
Train Horn Dog Barking Crowing Rooster Motorcycles

Everyone will have a different experience. A rooster might be annoying to one person, and a fresh start to the day for someone else. Your goal is to learn what your very own Sounds of Joy are, no matter how silly or illogical. A dentist drill might be a positive sound if it makes you feel like you are taking care of yourself.

Homework #1: Listening

Carry a pen and paper or a smart phone with you as you go about your day. When you notice a sound that causes a non-neutral reaction, make a note of it. Find at least ten sounds that make your day better or worse.

Do you “tune out”? Do you find that you don’t notice the sounds around you, either because you’ve grown used to them or because your focus is elsewhere? Try being in the moment and giving your attention to the many different sounds that you hear each day. Even if you are tuning them out, they are affecting you.

While you are listening, do you hear a voice? I’m talking about your “inner voice”. Pretty much everyone has some kind of self-talk going on while they are awake. Some might refer to it in a religious context and feel that it is coming from an external source, while others feel that it is purely internal. Whatever the origin, notice if the voice is kind or critical. Remember that everything you hear affects you in some way. Voices are sounds, too.

Which brings us to the next part of our lesson. Sounds of Joy is not just about listening. It is also about making sounds. Our voices, our bodies, and our instruments help us to express our emotions. Do you sing when you are happy? Do you clap your hands? Do you reach for a banjo?

Homework #2: Make Noise

Experiment with joyful sounds. (1) Make a joyful sound with your voice: this can be a song, a giggle, or a whoop, whatever feels right to you. (2) Make a joyful sound with your body: clapping or slapping a leg might put the right emphasis on a happy moment. (3) Make a joyful sound with an instrument: this can be an instrument used in a band or a pencil on a table, whatever you have available that suits the mood. Write a few sentences about how it felt to express joy in this way. Was it enlightening? Awkward? What was your favorite way to express yourself?

Notice the background music in movies and commercials. Create background music in your head as you go about everyday tasks. Try contrasting the background music with your mood and see how if changes your perspective.

Either on paper or just in your mind, begin to gather Sounds of Joy. You might try to find one joyful sound for every letter of the alphabet (accordion, bubbling, chimes, dripping, engines, flags, etc.).

Sounds of Joy can also include word patterns such as alliteration or rhyming. If you find yourself smiling when someone says “Peter Piper Picked a Peck of Pickled Peppers”, you might add this to your list.

Remember that your brain has amazing powers to bring back those reminders of joy with just a thought. When you are having a bad day, or you are just bored or feeling down, imagine your Sounds of Joy and feel your mood lifting.

Bonus #1

What is the sound of one hand clapping?

For Lesson 1 credit, you must either post your Homework and Bonus answers as a comment or send them to me in an e-mail by the Friday after this is posted.

*credits may apply to Bachelor of Happiness

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Trying Times

Posted on April 20, 2013 by Brave Thoughts

Here’s the thing: I didn’t plan on taking that much of a break.

Seems that somewhere along the way, I got stuck. Maybe I stopped feeling like I had anything to say. I wasn’t sure what was holding me back, so there was no clear plan for getting around it. I thought about the blog, felt guilty for not keeping it up, tried to think of a topic that felt worthy… but nothing came forth.

I am here today because I am on the path to recovery. Recovering my Try.

One day a couple of months ago, I found a Meetup group that was just starting out on The Artist’s Way. This is a book by Julia Cameron that I already had on my shelf from a couple of years ago. I thought it sounded like a good way to spend my Wednesday evenings.

One chapter per week, we read her encouraging words. We tried to do artist dates. We struggled with morning pages. We did some of the exercises in the book. We shared our experiences and learned from each other.

And about eight weeks in, I started to figure it out. I had fallen out of love with myself.

Does this sound corny? Yes. But when we are struggling with lack of motivation, we need to be open to whatever works for us. We need to be able to see things in a different light. We need, most of all, to be willing to commit to something that is more important than anything else in the whole world: ourselves.

Are you about to argue that there are pressing global issues that need attention more than your own self? Well, maybe pressing global issues are caused by people who have forgotten how to love themselves.

How do you fall back in love with yourself? You spend time with yourself, you get to know yourself, you listen carefully to yourself, you plan special days with yourself. And the best part is that you also get to be the recipient of all this attention. It makes you smile.

And when you are ready to make a long-term commitment to yourself, you propose: you ask yourself if you are willing to Try.

And the answer is Yes.

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Taking a Break

Posted on August 16, 2012 by Brave Thoughts

Sometimes, we just have to take a break.

It doesn’t have to be three months of no blogging, but sometimes that’s how it works out. It might just be sitting on the porch, having a beer and watching the grass grow. Working on a puzzle. Watching a TV series on Netflix. Yes, sometimes we do these things.

Why? Because we don’t know why we are doing those other things. Oh, great, you think, another crisis of meaning. Well, it is. Nothing new here. But it’s important to think about these things.

I was feeling the stress. The stress of wanting to do it all but needing, needing to take a break. This results in a sort of limbo state where I don’t properly get motivated, but I also don’t properly relax. Where I don’t write blogs or do speeches. Where I do watch a lot of TV. And then…

And then somebody died. Someone I liked. Someone I loved. Someone I will miss, even though we didn’t talk often.

And then I started to question. To think about what I really wanted.

I wanted to sit on the porch and have a beer. I wanted to do a puzzle and let my mind wander. I wanted to inspire and teach and help. I wanted to love and share.

I did not want to be stressed. I did not want to be in control of it all.

I wrote my inspiring speech, the one that had been kicking around in my head for months. It turned out well. I was nervous, of course – not over that yet – but it was close to what I had planned. A relief.

Slowly, I am working on things that have been neglected. This blog. That one. Trying to find the sweet spot.  One day at a time, one thing at a time. With breaks.

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Because I Can

Posted on May 27, 2012 by Brave Thoughts

Because when we don’t, we know we are not being true to ourselves.

Because when we don’t, we know there is something more we could have done.

Because when we don’t, we forget how to conquer fear.

Because someone else is doing something that isn’t quite as good.

I am trying. This past week, I gave my second Toastmasters speech. I am learning to conquer my fear, my nerves. I am sharing my stories. I am being me.

It is a little scary to be me. I haven’t been me much lately, not in public. It seems to be working for me, though. I’m getting positive feedback. I’m feeling more confident. There is a long road ahead, but I am on it again.

I feel like I am always saying this. Like maybe I am lying to myself because I have to keep finding my way again and again. But maybe that is how it is done. I am doing some kind of zig-zag dance toward a moving goal. Toward a few moving goals. Er, that might be the problem. But having more confidence is necessary no matter what my goals are.

I can tell you one thing: writing speeches is making me write. I’m writing far more than I’m saying because I’m having to work through the ideas to narrow them down, get to the focus point. Then I have to flesh it out until it feels complete. Then I have to cut out the lines that make me go over the time limit… it’s a process. A process that appeals to me for some reason. A process that feels almost natural. And that feels scary, somehow. Like it shouldn’t be something that one likes to do.

But if I think about it for a second or two, it is the Writing Process. Instead of submitting a written script, I am blurting it out in front of an audience. Skipping the part that I can’t do with my writing – sending it out to be rejected. Skipping straight to instant feedback.

It’s awful and wonderful at the same time, and it’s over in 5 to 7 minutes. I can do that.

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Do not publish this post

Posted on March 9, 2012 by Brave Thoughts

Struggling to stay on track. Discouraged by the mountain of work ahead to get to where I want to be. Feeling like I am just going in circles…

And then I see it: I am afraid of being wrong, doing it wrong. I am afraid of being less than perfect at the one thing I have always wanted.

Those things I have finished without any reason had no bearing on my view of my true self. If I failed, there were no consequences. I was able to try without worrying about feeling like a failure. No risk.

But when it comes to the truly important, the truly deep deep desires, my courage looks like a cardboard cut-out of a stick-figure sketch of courage. Everything I’ve been babbling about is out the window and I want to find more similies to explain how devastating this is and yet so familiar and unsurprising.

Note to self: do not publish this post. Because I am that afraid of looking like I don’t know what I’m doing. I get a lot of mileage out of thinking I’m in control and making all the choices.

I like appearing confident and brave. I am. I really am. But sometimes it takes more guts than I thought it would. This is one of those times. It’s hard to describe this feeling, and yet it seems like it is probably one of the most common feelings ever. The feeling that you might not be able to do what you want to do. The fear that you aren’t good enough.

But I have to be.

 

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Why We Cry

Posted on February 12, 2012 by Brave Thoughts

No, this isn’t about sadness.

This is about Hope and Inspiration. About emotions.

Sometimes my inner soul reaches through and tells me – the public, distracted me – that it is time to focus. That there is something important going on. It tells me this by making my emotions go a little haywire, by dimming all the senses that are not engaged, by giving me an overwhelming sense of urgent purpose. 

The physical manifestation of this, if you are watching from the outside, is tears. Tears streaming down my face, if I will let them. Tears of relief and hope, for I have been given a gift of direction.

In these moments, I feel like I am being guided back to the path I am meant to follow. As if the time for distraction is over and I am being reminded of my true goals. Yes, those tears include a bit of regret for wasted time, and fear that there may not be enough time left, but the majority of what I am feeling is healing and hopeful.    

It might seem as you read this that this is something I experience often, but really it has only happened twice. The last time it happened, it contributed to quite an upheaval in my life, which was powerful enough to get me to where I am now.

The first time it happened, I was at my computer, surfing the Web. A younger, less social Web, but enough for me to find a description of a woman who worked as a computer programmer. Something like that. Something close enough that it triggered something in me, that inner soul part. It knew that this was what I needed to do next in life, and it told me. It got my attention and gave me that feeling. And I listened to it.

Now, I think that I am ready for the other part, or one of the other parts of my life. The writing part. I got that feeling again, the other day. Yes, the speech was inspirational, and meant to generate a reaction, but what I felt was something amplified, something personal. It sounds absolutely wacky as I imagine you reading this, and part of me is worrying that I will look like a fool, but the heart of me, the soul of me – quite frankly, the parts that count for everything – they believe.

And I wonder: Does anyone else feel this way? Does anyone else Try because they Cry?

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That Happy Feeling

Posted on January 22, 2012 by Brave Thoughts

That feeling of accomplishment, of success, of I-want-to-share-this-with-everyone. That smile that comes unbidden, effortlessly. That joy you want to share with others as your day unfolds.

This is the “why”.

This is the answer.

Because when it works, when we get that pat on the back or that certificate or that final version that does what it should – we get to feel this thing that can’t be felt any other way.

And this is a precious feeling. I’d forgotten how it feels.

This isn’t my “got the chore done” feeling, which is all I’ve been striving for lately. This was something different, something that didn’t have to be done. Nobody made me study for this test. Nobody forced me to pick up that book last year and start down this path. And nobody noticed (well, maybe one certain spouse person) when I got bogged down and didn’t finish what I’d started. And nobody could have known that the weather would turn bad and I’d end up going in to take the test because I was here and it didn’t cost that much and worst case scenario I have to take it again…

A bog of fog – nothing to it but mist. A mist that kept me away for quite a while. I did fine, quite well. I studied for a couple of days and pulled it off. I knew I could. I just… needed an excuse. ? Well that sounds lame.

If only I’d known how good it would feel.

It’s quite frankly a bit of a temptation. I want to feel it again. I want to feel it every day. Wouldn’t that be the life to live? The life to share?

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